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Thursday, October 26, 2006

Women

Last night Yaxlich was watching the football with his housemate. It was a typical boys night in where conversation rarely extended beyond the occasional monosyllabic grunt which, depending on the occasion, translated into:

Football"Would you like a beer, old boy?"

"That was a shocking tackle, wasn't it?"

"So what do you think of the socio-economic demographic for Latin America that was published in The Times this morning? Shocking reading, what?"

Just after half time a female friend of his housemate (who he will now refer to as Mr E as it takes less time to type) turned up at the flat. Despite the fact that Yaxlich and Mr E were clearly watching the football, she spent the next hour or so talking incessantly.

Whilst this vexed Yaxlich a trifle (he didn't lick himself this time), the point that he wants to raise here is whether or not women have some kind of genetic defect which allows them to talk for an hour about nothing whatsoever.

Non stop banal banterShe sat and wittered on for an hour oblivious to the fact that when Yaxlich or Mr E grunted in a monosyllabic style to her that it did not translate into any of the above but "Shut up, woman, we're watching the football". Her blitherings seemed to have no purpose. They appeared to be random points, opinions and phrases loosely collected into a series of vague sentences. They had neither a beginning, a middle or an end.

When men speak it is normally because they have a reason for doing so and not just because they have forgotten what their voice sounds like. There is a problem to be solved or a question that requires an answer. Women, on the other hand, appear to view silence as being something evil which should always be filled with banal banter.

If Mr E's female friend is reading this, Yaxlich would like to set the record straight. On a scale of 1-10, the colour of the tiles in your bathroom ranks somewhere towards the lower end of the scale. It is joined with the answer to what dress you should wear to a wedding that isn't taking place for another 8 months, who should win this years X Factor, whether or not Robbie's new album is any good, how shockingly expensive organic food is in Sainsbury's, whether or not you should stay for 1 or 2 days at the wedding hotel (which still isn't taking place for another 8 months) and what to buy your work colleague, who Yaxlich has never met, as a leaving gift.

The result of a meaningless cup tie played in torrential rain between two teams that neither Mr E or Yaxlich support is an 8. Possibly a 9.

Comments on "Women"

 

Blogger Jim McKee said ... (3:05 pm) : 

Ah, I see British women bear a striking resemblance to their American counterparts.

;-]

 

Anonymous Sim said ... (6:33 pm) : 

Now now - calm donw boys., Not all of us are like that. But we all know of someone like that. Unfortunately I'm related to mine. Talkative Sis once called 17 times in one day. And then didn;t hear me on the last call tel her 4 times that we were sitting down to dinner / eating dinner / washing up.

Should have just hung up.

 

Blogger Lizza said ... (7:47 pm) : 

Many women are like that, but not all. Perhaps Yaxlich should have said something like "What was the last thing you ate? Your breath smells funny." That would've shut her up.

 

Blogger Yaxlich said ... (9:40 pm) : 

Both Sim and Lizza should take note of Jims comment. It was brief, succinct and to the point.

 

Blogger thethinker said ... (10:09 pm) : 

Maybe the extra X chromosome has something to do with it.

 

Blogger Lae said ... (8:48 am) : 

Hi! Nice blog! Add me to ur links http://2funnypictures.blogspot.com and let me know, i will add u, thanks :)

 

Blogger Tish said ... (12:43 pm) : 

Really Yaxlich should have asked her if she would like a cup of STFU and then told her she could get one down the street, any street except yours. At least when it's the kids doing all the yapping, one can remove them bodily from the room and threaten dire consequences, like having to eat rice for dinner every night for a week.

 

Blogger Yaxlich said ... (3:35 pm) : 

Yaxlich only ever got as far as J chromosomes, he thinks. Maybe one day he'll be all grown up and get as far as X so that he can talk rubbish for hours on end.

Lae - Yaxlich doesn't just add blogs to his links because people ask him to.

Tish - unfortunately Yaxlich hasn't been to the supermarket this was so was fresh out of STFU otherwise he would have offered her an exceptionally large cup of it. Besides, he doesn't think a gentleman should use such language to a lady.

 

Blogger Lizza said ... (5:21 pm) : 

Ohhh, Yaxlich is so nasty! ;-D

 

Blogger Prometheus said ... (11:47 pm) : 

Yaxlich my friend, Prometheus grunts to signify his appreciation at this brilliant post.

 

Anonymous Sim said ... (11:49 pm) : 

Humph!

 

Blogger ExAfrica said ... (2:51 am) : 

You're on dangerous ground, dear boy, dangerous ground.

May I just add that for those of who do not like sport, (gasp!), talking to people - even monosyllabic men, is much (much) better than watching the game.

You heard it hear first.

 

Blogger Yaxlich said ... (11:52 am) : 

Lizza - Yaxlich would like to say that he is not nasty. He can, at times, be a little grumpy but never nasty.

Prometheus - Ugg

Sim - Congratulations! With a verbal repertoire like that we can make you an honorary boy.

ExAfrica - Sorry, what was that? Yaxlich was watching the rerun of the game.

 

Blogger H said ... (3:31 pm) : 

H notes that opera to an ape is like female-chatter-during-match to a male.

congrats Yaxlich on spending so many words explaining that. You write like only a gifted woman could. loved the post.

 

Blogger Yaxlich said ... (10:36 am) : 

Yaxlich thanks H for their kind words although he is convinced he already had. Obviously Blogger was playing up that day. Just for a change.

 

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