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: a collection of amusing tales from the UK blogosphere.

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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Forgotten How To Blog

Yaxlich lost his blog. He knew he'd left it somewhere but couldn't find it. Initially he thought it might be hiding underneath his Ninja socks but it wasn't there. Next he tried the vegetable soup place but, alas, it was nowhere to be seen. Then he was struck by a moment of clarity.

It was exactly where he'd left it.

He hopes that blogging is like riding a bike and he hasn't forgotten how to do it.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Songs To Blog About

Yaxlich regularly gets songs stuck in his head. He doesn't mean this literally. He's never had a piece of 7" vinyl thrust into his cranial cavity or anything like that. What he means is that sometimes he remembers the chorus to a song or just a few words of a song and no matter what he tries, he cannot get the song out of his head. So they're stuck. In his head.

Today Yaxlich has the British Eurovision Song Contest entry from 1982 stuck in his head. It was by a group called Bardot and the song was "One Step Further". It wasn't very good which is why Yaxlich is having a miserable day.

He is going to try and think about Sheena later on this afternoon. He hopes it works.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Overrun By Loonies

It would appear that the comment section on Yaxlich's previous post was overrun by loonies. He has now deleted the offending comment and apologises to anyone who read it. He thinks that some people are very sad indeed.

In other news, he would like to assure people that he is still alive although suffering from an almighty bout of blogstipation.

Friday, August 10, 2007

How Do They Know?

Yaxlich found an article in a London newspaper tonight which he thought he would share with you.

A court has released a man caught having sex with sheep. A farmed called police after he saw a man trouserless among his flock. Bert Meijer, 36, was arrested and charged but the case was thrown out because under Dutch law bestiality is illegal only if it can be proved the animal was unwilling.

In other news, Yaxlich would like to apologise for his lengthy delay in posting anything on his blog for a while. This was because:

a) His hands fell off.
b) The Barbie Girl bird flew off to Penge with his blogging mojo and he has only just returned beacuse Virgin Trains only have a bi-monthly service.
c) The Agoraphobic Peruvian spent the last month downloading guinea pig recipes from a remote site in the Andes and was hogging the bandwidth of the flats wi-fi connection.
d) He was on a modelling assignment in Portugal.
e) He was working for the Government on a project that he cannot mention due to signing the Official Secrets Act.
f) He was involved in lengthy legal proceedings in the Netherlands and has only just returned the sheep costume to the fancy dress suppliers after he had lost his Sketchleys receipt.
g) All of the above.

Friday, July 13, 2007

AdSense Of Humour

Yaxlich has just been chuckling at his latest AdSense ads:

Don't Put Up With Piles

Saddest Thing On The Internet

He thinks someone is trying to tell him something. Quite possibly that it's 2AM on Friday 13th and it's time for bed.

Strange Blogging Coincedence

Yaxlich has just learnt that Iggy was born in the same hospital as him.

He wonders if any of his readers are also suffering from a bad case of Farmer Giles too.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The One Where Yaxlich Gets Piles

Yaxlich has a young niece with whom he occasionally chats on MSN Messenger. He only understands every third word she says. She uses some kind of secret code that only teenagers and Scaryduck understand. Every now and then Uncle Yaxlich has to ask his teenage niece to explain what all of the shorthand means. He learnt recently, for example, that TMI stands for Too Much Information.

He wonders if his niece would consider this to be TMI.

Ever since the AP moved into the flat permanently at the beginning of the year, Yaxlich has had to be even more selective with his trips to the toilet. He regularly stores them up for when she might pop out to do some gardening or go to the newsagent to collect her copy of Pan Pipe Weekly. These rare comfort breaks tend to be something of a rush job. No longer can Yaxlich read an entire newspaper in one sitting, he has to get in, get the job done and get out in a matter of minutes.

As a result, Yaxlich has got piles.

Using a cunning arrangement involving a shaving mirror and the edge of the bath, Yaxlich has managed to view this gold medallion award winning collection of fine Shiraz grapes at close hand as he gently dabs at them with the Preparation H. He found it terribly embarrassing going into the chemists to buy the Worlds leading haemorrhoid product to “relieve rectal itch and anal pain”* so he picked up a new toothbrush and some Ralgex at the same time. He was very careful when unpacking the carrier bag to ensure the two products were placed at opposite ends of his bedroom in case a 3am trip to the toilet was required and he picked up the wrong tube.

Tomorrow Yaxlich is going out to buy a childs inflatable ring to put on his office chair.

* if any copywriters are reading this, you might consider giving a pitch to the folks at Preparation H as Yaxlich thinks they could do with a new marketing slogan.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Dramatic Chipmunk

Yaxlich will blog more about his prolonged absence from t'internet later but, in the meanwhile, he thought he would post some more videos because it's

  1. Lazy
  2. Easy
  3. See above

He is particularly enamoured with the dramatic chipmunk. It makes him laugh. A lot.

If you have not discovered the pleasure of the dramatic chipmunk then he suggests you watch this clip

After that, view the Kill Bill remix

The Lost version is funny too

And finally watch the Dramatic Veronica version. It's not particularly ground breaking but Yaxlich thinks that Veronica is very cute. In fact she made his Beefy McManstick go funny.