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: a collection of amusing tales from the UK blogosphere.

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Friday, April 28, 2006

The Power Of The Web

Yaxlich notes with interest this morning that the hit counter on the website mentioned yesterday now stands at 3,774,277. Yaxlich is good at maths and has worked out that over three and a half million people visited the website yesterday. Clearly there are a lot of other people who don't understand how you can make a baby with three people.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Weird Wide Web

Yaxlich has not been very well these last few days which is why he hasn't added anything to his Blog. Yaxlich is sorry and hopes that you didn't stop using the Internet because he wasn't here.

What has Yaxlich learnt since Sunday? Firstly Yaxlich has learnt that William Shakespeare is dead so wonders why the Mayor spent all that money on a birthday party for him. Secondly Yaxlich has learnt that Saint George was actually Turkish. Finally Yaxlich has learnt that sometimes when people want to make babies that they involve someone else and this is called a menage a trois. That is French. Yaxlich learnt this when he found this website - Help Win This Bet. Yaxlich will be watching this website with interest to find out how the third person assists in making babies.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

The London Marathon

Today is the London Marathon. 40,000 people will run 26 miles in the rain dressed as chickens, giant bananas, dragons, smurfs and deep sea divers and the only thing they win is a giant sheet of Bacofoil.

And people say Yaxlich is a little odd.

Charlie Chaplin and William Shakespeare

Yaxlich reads with interest on the BBC News website that they are celebrating Saint Georges Day in London by showing some old Charlie Chaplin films. Yaxlich would like to know in which Charlie Chaplin film he did a spot of dragon slaying.

In the same article it says that the London Mayor is organising events including a birthday party for William Shakespeare at the Globe theatre in London. Yaxlich thinks he might go to meet Mr Shakespeare later and wish him a happy birthday. Yaxlich hopes there is cake and balloons at Mr Shakespeares birthday party.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Saint Georges Day

Tomorrow is Saint Georges Day in England. Saint George is the patron saint of England but it is now illegal to celebrate Saint Georges Day. It is illegal to fly the English flag outside of your house. Yaxlich thinks it might be illegal to be English in some parts of England too but he's not sure. This makes Yaxlich sad. In America, where they also have the internet, Yaxlich has seen houses with big American flags outside and it is not illegal. Mind you they also allow people to carry guns and be really fat in America so Yaxlich isn't sure if this is a good thing.

Yaxlich will still celebrate Saint Georges Day tomorrow even if it is illegal. He will wear traditional English clothes, drink traditional English beer, eat traditional English food and partake in traditional English summer sporting pastimes.

Tomorrow Yaxlich will wear a Lacoste jumper, have ten pints of Stella Artois followed by a chicken madras and throw plastic chairs at passing tourists.

The Queen And Being Fat

Yaxlich heard the Queens firework display from his home last night. It was very loud. Sadly, Yaxlich could not see any of the fireworks but he could hear them. The party was in a place called Kew which is a long way from where Yaxlich lives. Far Kew.

This morning Yaxlich sees that the Queen is carrying on with her birthday party today. This surprises Yaxlich. The Queen started her party yesterday morning, had lots of friends to tea in Kew last night and is having dinner at Windsor today. The Queen is 80 and should be very tired by now. Perhaps she had a Bolivian marching band at her party last night and they gave her some of their famous powder which stops you being tired. This would not surprise Yaxlich as the Queen used to own the World until she gave bits of it back.

Yaxlich has also learnt this morning that a travel book called "The Rough Guide to England" has said that everyone in England is an overweight, alcopop-swilling, sex-and-celebrity obsessed television addict. The BBC News website where Yaxlich learnt this also says that the English tourist board has said that this description is unhelpful. Yaxlich agrees. Yaxlich thinks that the Rough Guide should also tell potential visitors about some of the bad things too.

Friday, April 21, 2006

American People Are Strange

Yaxlich has been looking through lots of other Blogs since he discovered that America has the internet too. Things he has learnt about Americans today
  1. They don't like their President
  2. They don't like the French
  3. They like to be spanked and called 'Mommy'
  4. They only have 4 vowels

Something Yaxlich Learnt Today

Yaxlich has discovered that in America they have dogs who have internet access. This has surprised Yaxlich. He didn't realise that they had the internet in America.

Pork Chop is a coonhound. Yaxlich is not sure if this is politically correct and thinks that he should be called an African American hound.

Pork Chop has a Blog

Yaxlich is now going to see if any other American people are on the internet as he would like to meet Britney Spears.

Happy Birthday Queen

Yaxlich would like to wish the Queen a Happy Birthday. Yaxlich does not know if the Queen will get a chance to visit his Blog today as she is likely to be busy. She is having tea with her family tonight at Kew Palace and then she is having fireworks. Prince Charles is hosting the party. Yaxlich hopes he does a wicked stand up routine. Yaxlich also hopes that Fergie will jump out of a cake and sing 'Happy Birthday' in a Marilyn Monroe style.

She is 80 you know. Yaxlich thinks she looks a lot younger. Yaxlich thinks the Queen is a bit of a hottie.

There have been lots of other Queens since history began. There were probably some more before that but Yaxlich doesn't know about them. Some other famous Queens have been Mary Queen of Scots who ruled over people with ginger hair. There was Queen Elizabeth the First who was the first Queen called Elizabeth. There was Queen Victoria who lived in the Tudor times. There was Queen Beatrice who legalised cannabis in Holland. There was Freddie Mercury.

Yaxlich would like to live until he is 80 but doesn't want to be the Queen as it looks like a very hard job and he wouldn't want to be made to watch the Royal Variety Performance and pretend to enjoy it.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Yaxlich On The Web


You have found Yaxlich's little corner of the Web. Yaxlich is pleased to see you although Yaxlich would like to point out that he can't actually see you.

Yaxlich likes to watch the World go by from his home. Sometimes Yaxlich goes out into the World and meets people. He never tells them who he is. Yaxlich is funny like that.

Yaxlich doesn't know what he's going to say on his Blog. Sometimes Yaxlich has lots to say and sometimes he doesn't have anything to say.

Thank you for coming to see Yaxlich. He's very happy that you are here and hopes you'll come back and see him again some time soon.