Her Sheenaness

As you'll be aware, Sunday was a very spiritual day for Yaxlich. He saw the light and it was good. He saw the light and it was 3 minutes 36 seconds. He saw the light and it was called Sheena. The inspirational words of Her Sheenaness have touched him in a way that he has never been touched before. Well apart from that one time at scout camp but he wants to quickly brush over that. Anyway, the point that he's trying to make here is that up until Sunday he had been experiencing gloominess at a level which had shot off the end of the Gloomometer. That was until he saw the light, although technically at that point he had only heard the light. Today he has actually seen the light and he would like you to see the light too. The light comes in two forms. One is a very fuzzy light but is Her Sheenaness herself. The other light is an alternative Sheena which Yaxlich would like to dedicate to his friend Anna after her recent comment. Enjoy.

Guess Who's Back

Guess who's back Back again Clencho's back Tell your friends The Clenchometer has been dusted down and reinstalled above Yaxlich's computer but this time it would appear that it is no longer only required at weekends. The AP has officially moved in and does not appear to have a job anymore so she hasn't left the flat in days. Yaxlich heard her making a phone call in Spanish earlier so slipped into the bathroom unnoticed to have a brief bowel evacuation safe in the knowledge that her jabbering was likely to disguise any Armitage Shanks action. He doesn't know whether her 24/7 residence is a sign of things to come but, just in case, he has started work on a new invention. He calls it The Gruffler Muffler. Basically what it does is absorb any audible discharge of intestinal gas and then slowly releases it at a high pitched frequency which only dogs can hear. He's a little concerned that his flat will become a magnet for the local canine population, particularly late at night after he's had a few beers. The last thing he wants to be known as is the Pie Eyed Pooper of old London Town.

80's Songs That Could Not Have Been Recorded By An American Artist

In the first of a new series, Yaxlich is going to be looking at 80's songs which could not have been recorded by an American artist. He is going to call this series 80's Songs That Could Not Have Been Recorded By An American Artist. The first song is - A.E.I.O.U. by Freez

Na Na Na Na Na

The internet has been unavailable for most of the day so Yaxlich has not been able to do anything online. It has only just come back on and now he has to go out so there's no time to write anything. He didn't want you to think that he'd forgotten about you or anything. Not like yesterday. Since there is no time to post anything, he though he would share some inspirational verse with you. He wakes and says, "hello", turns on the breakfast show She fixes coffee while he takes a shower "Hey, that was great", he said, "I wish we could stay in bed" "But I got to be at work in less than an hour" She manages a smile as he walks out the door She's a modern girl who's been through this movie before She don't build her world 'round no single man But she's gettin' by, doin' what she can She is free to be, what she wants to be 'N all she wants to be, is a modern girl Na na na na na, na na na na na, na na na na na She's a modern girl It looks like rain again, she takes the train again She's on her way again through London town Where she eats a tangerine, flicks through a magazine Until it's time to leave her dreams on the underground She walks to the office like everyone else An independent lady takin' care of herself She don't build her world 'round no single man But she's gettin' by, doin' what she can She is free to be, what she wants to be 'N all she wants to be, is a modern girl Na na na na na, na na na na na, na na na na na She's a modern girl She's been dreaming 'bout him all day long As soon as she gets home, it's him on the telephone He asks her to dinner, she says, "I'm not free" "Tonight I'm gonna stay at home and watch my TV" I don't build my world 'round no single man But I'm (she's) gettin' by, doin' what I (she) can I (she is) am free to be, what I (she) want(s) to be 'N all I (she) want(s) to be, is a modern girl Na na na na na, na na na na na, na na na na na She's a modern girl Na na na na na, na na na na na, na na na na na She's a modern girl Yaxlich thanks Her Sheenaness for such inspirational words. He hopes that you find some enlightenment and happiness in these words. Na na na na na indeed.

Cheerful Is 3:36

As you'll know, Yaxlich has had a pretty bad week with one thing and another. There have been some other things going on too which he won't bore you with but, sufficed to say, the last seven days haven't been that great. It's not been a case of glass half empty, glass half full. Someone stole Yaxlich's glass and did a big jobby in it. One day he will probably look back at this week and laugh but in the meanwhile he needs to find some bleach. Anna is having a bad week too and Yaxlich was going to leave a comment to try to cheer his friend up when something miraculous happened. For the first time this week, Yaxlich had a big beaming grin on his face. The world seemed like a better place and the light at the end of the tunnel seemed brighter. All the woes of the week were pushed aside for 3 minutes and 36 seconds. No, Yaxlich didn't have sex (twice) but his iTunes picked out a song in Party Shuffle mode which he hadn't heard for probably 20 years. In fact, he didn't even know he owned the song. It was on a compilation CD which he purchased yonks ago. Anna. If you're reading this, Yaxlich can thoroughly recommend the following cure to help banish those SAD blues. It may not be a permanent solution but it certainly worked for him. Due to copyright reasons, he can't put the whole song on here but you can listen to a preview by clicking on this link. Happiness is Modern Girl by Sheena Easton. Hurrah!

Schoolboy Error

Yaxlich forgot to mention that Jack is up for the Best Writing award in the 2007 Bloggies so rather than tag it on to the original post as some kind of after thought, he has created a new post here: In other news Jack, a regular reader and commenter on The World Of Yaxlich, has been nominated for the Best Writing award in the 2007 Bloggies. Yaxlich would like to congratulate her on the nomination and hopes that Jack walks away with the prize. There. Sorted.

2007 Bloggies

Yaxlich did not make the finals for the 2007 Bloggies. He knows that he was on the short list because his Site Meter told him that he got lots of hits from the judges. All of them stayed on his site for 0.0 seconds. He thinks they must be very fast readers. Zoe is up for Best European Blog. Girl, Andre and An Unreliable Witness are up for Best British Blog. He's not heard of any of the blogs listed under the category of Best Kept Secret.

Money For Nothing

In an attempt to make some money so those nasty vegetable soup people can't hold him to ransom any more, Yaxlich has signed up for a survey site called YouGov which pays you every time you complete a survey. The official blurb is below: As a member of the YouGov Panel you will be invited from time-to-time to participate in surveys on topics ranging from from politics to painkillers to pensions. Each time you take part in a survey, you will have your virtual YouGov account credited with cash amounts depending on the survey's length, or you may be entered into a prize draw. When you reach £50 in your account, YouGov will send you a cheque for that amount. In addition to being paid to participate, you also get referral fees so if someone were to create an account by clicking on this link, Yaxlich would get some money. He doesn't really know how it works but it was recommended to him by a friend so it all seems above board. There are also options for non-UK citizens too so join today.

Bastards

As regular readers will know, Yaxlich is currently out of work. As a result he has to take a trip to the vegetable soup place every two weeks to prove that he has been actively trying to find work. He has to write down all of the jobs that he has applied for and tell them if there have been any change in his circumstances. This is to prevent people from claiming benefits under false pretences. Yaxlich is an honest man. He's not one of those people who are looking to scam the Government out of money whilst he's secretly running a multi million pound industry from his bedroom. He has worked all of his life and he is sure that this temporary lack of work is exactly that. You may remember that Yaxlich had a days work back in December. Being the honest, upright citizen that he is, Yaxlich told the people at the vegetable soup place and completed the relevant forms. His mummy has always told him that honesty is the best policy. Yesterday Yaxlich received a letter from the benefits people telling him that he is no longer entitled to any money. This letter was followed by another one this morning from the local council saying that they will no longer be paying Mr E any money. He rang them up to ask why and he was told it was because he was now back in employment. He explained that he had only worked one day and had no other work lined up. He was told that his case would be reviewed but, in the meantime, all payments would be suspended until he returned all of the appropriate forms. He pointed out that he had completed all of the forms given to him by the people at the vegetable soup place but they insisted that he complete some new ones. Yaxlich tries not to get angry about things but, on this occasion, he will make an exception. He is absolutely livid that by being honest and telling them that he'd worked for one single day that they are now stopping his money whilst there are thousands of people out there claiming benefits fraudulently which they are doing nothing about. He sees them every fortnight. They sign on, tell the clerks that they're not working despite the fact they're covered in paint and cement dust and then jump back into their vans parked outside and go back to work. Why are they not targeting them? Why are they targeting someone who has hit a rough patch but who is honest about when he has worked? He is going to ring the "helpline" again tomorrow to see what is happening. They will have received the 10 page document he had to complete by then. 10 pages for one days work. He couldn't understand a word that the woman said on the phone when he called yesterday. He hopes that he gets to speak to someone with less of an accent tomorrow. If you have come to visit Yaxlich in expectation of something witty or funny or because you entered "poo bum fart" into Google, he is sorry that you have been disappointed. Full refunds are available by calling 0845 666 9000. You'll need to complete a 10 page form to qualify for your refund and the chances are that you won't get it anyway.

Snow

When Yaxlich woke up this morning he was very excited to see that it had snowed overnight. There wasn't a lot of snow, certainly not enough to build a snowman but this is probably just as well as he doesn't have any carrots. Or coal. Even though he doesn't particularly like winter, he does like snow. If Yaxlich could afford it, he would like to go skiing. All the cool kids go snowboarding but Yaxlich isn't a kid or cool so skiing sounds more like his thing. The thought of hurtling down a steep hill with two planks of wood strapped to his feet sounds exciting. He's not sure that he'd like to wear thermal underwear, though. He has seen the adverts for long johns and all the models have a six pack. Yaxlich has a six roll so he's not sure he would look very good in them. He's also worried about the extra layer of clothing to remove if he got caught short at the top of a slope. When Yaxlich needs to go, Yaxlich needs to go. A film that makes Yaxlich laugh is Dumb and Dumber. The bit where his tongue gets stuck to the ski lift is very funny. Obviously there is another scene which makes Yaxlich laugh a lot but he's been accused of only blogging about bodily functions so he won't mention that one. Anyway, if Yaxlich does ever go skiing, he will make sure he doesn't try to lick the ski lift. Films can be educational sometimes. Yaxlich is off to the shops now to buy some carrots and some coal just in case it snows again tonight.

Snuffles

Yaxlich is feeling a little under the weather at the moment so doesn't feel like blogging. He's a bit sniffly, a bit snuffly and a bit headachey. Since he tends to blog about things he sees, there seems very little point blogging today unless people want to read about his duvet, the contents of his tissues or Sky Sports news. In other news, he can confirm that he won the 2007 Insiginifant Awards. The fact that every one of the blogs that entered also won is totally irrelevant. Yaxlich won an award. So there. He's off now to blow large quantities of nasal mucus into a tissue. See? He told you that you wouldn't want to read about it.

Blue Monday

According to Cardiff University psychologist, Dr Cliff Arnall, January 22nd is the unhappiest day of the year. This is due to unpaid Christmas bills, nasty weather and failed New Years resolutions. Yaxlich woke up this morning feeling a little bit blue and was moping around the flat feeling sorry for himself so he is glad to see that there is a proper medical reason behind this.

Musical Condoms

Forget your iPod or iPhone, the must have accessory this year is the iDom. According to the Reuters website: Hong Kong's Ondo Creation, which makes designer condoms, hopes its Idom sheathes will put a more romantic spin on safe sex. Apparently the iDom lasts for 18 minutes. Insert your own joke here.

Weather

Judging by the fact that he has just seen the postman flying past his first floor window, Yaxlich surmises that the weather is back today after it's temporary hiatus. It's certainly very blustery today. According to the BBC website, winds of 70mph are expected today. Blustery. What a wonderful word. Yaxlich can't help but think of Winnie the Pooh. Oh no. He's done it again. Maybe they're right. Maybe he can only blog about wind and poo.

An Open Letter

Dear Sir, Yaxlich thanks you for your recent communications. It is a joy to turn on the computer in the morning and see that you've been thinking about him a lot whilst he's been asleep. Yaxlich sometimes gets lonely so it's nice to know that you're always there for him. However he feels that it is time to let you know a couple of things about him which might help you in your daily correspondence. Although his "love missile" hasn't been out of the silo recently, he is fairly confident that it still works properly so your invitation to purchase erectile disfunction cures are a little unnecessary. Whilst he enjoys the humour you inject into these particular emails (he particularly enjoyed the recent euphemisms "pork sword", "love lance", "weeny wiener" and "one eyed trouser snake"), he feels it only fair to point out that he does not currently require these services. Should the situation change in the future, he will let you know. On the subject of his winky, he isn't too sure he particularly requires any of the other products you have recently been suggesting. When he first received your mail titled "Yo Short Stack - You Need More Meat", he assumed it was a reference to his poorly stocked freezer. However after several months of emails offering additional length, girth and ejaculatory prowess, he would like to refer you to his previous statement. Yaxlich is more than a little disappointed that despite his responses to the latest meme, you still insist on offering him a Rolex watch at least twice a day. Yaxlich doesn't wear a watch and, quite frankly, is upset that you've not been to read his blog this year. Fair's fair, you know. Equally although Natasha (19) looks very pretty and he is sure that she would make a most excellent wife, if you'd been reading his blog you would be aware that Yaxlich is not working at the moment so cannot afford to pay for her air fare to live in London with him. Although, of course, should he look after that large sum of money for your colleague, the Nigerian princess, this might change. On the subject of money, Yaxlich appreciates the stock market tips. When he is in employment again, he will be sure to be in contact. Incidentally, can you speak with someone from the Fifth Third Bank? They seem to think Yaxlich has an account with them which he doesn't. If you could, that would be really nice. So in closing, he thanks you for your continued correspondence and for the energy levels you put into this relationship. You must find it very hard to come up with something new to write every single day so this is why Yaxlich feels that now is a good time to point out his current requirements in order that you don't waste too much of your valuable time giving him suggestions for products that he does not need. Yours faithfully, Yaxlich Blogspot

Further Proof

If any further proof were required that January should be cancelled due to lack of interest, here it is. The top entertainment story on the BBC website for Wednesday 17 January is Celebrity chef Stein's dog dies Maybe those French protesters had the right idea after all.

January Has Been Cancelled

News has reached Yaxlich this morning that January may be cancelled this year due to lack of interest. This pleases him greatly. He has never been a big fan of January. He's always seen it as the poor relation. Nothing much ever happens in January. If you look at all of the other months, things happen in them whether they be religious festivals or national holidays or saints days. Something happens whereas January single handedly fails to achieve anything. January shoots it load on the very first day and then slips into 30 days of nothingness. Even the weather seems to shun January. Yaxlich just looked out of his window and nothing much is happening weather wise. It's not raining and it's not snowing. There's no fog or hail or sun or wind. Nothing. As far as he can see, there is absolutely no weather today. Yaxlich thinks it would be great if we could have two Augusts every year. That would be a lot of fun although he is slightly worried that his medical condition might flare up again but he thinks a little bit of chafing is nothing compared to the joy of long, hot summer days.

Star Wars Monday

Yaxlich was a little bored this morning so he spent an hour on YouTube looking at Star Wars videos. He realises that this isn't his usual style of post but he has had so much fun that he thought he'd share them with you. Lego Star Wars Symphony - Yaxlich hopes that Ian over at Adventures of the S-Team does something similar with Sandstorm, Silence and the rest of the guys. Star Wars COPS - Yaxlich likes watching programmes like COPS and he loves Star Wars. A perfect mix. Original Star Wars auditions - Although possibly not. Original Star Wars trailer - This one is really the original trailer. Yaxlich is amazed anyone went to see the film! Tie-Tanic - Fairly amusing twist. Darth Vader Funny - Yaxlich has mentioned this one before but it still makes him laugh. Episode IV Remix - He doesn't know why but this one made him chuckle. Star Wars: The Empire Brokeback - See above. Darth Vader: The Musical - Yaxlich is glad he saw this after his trip to London. He doesn't think he would have been able to keep a straight face otherwise. MTV Star Wars - He's still chuckling...oh dear... So there you have it. A selection of video clips for you to waste an hour of your life watching. Yaxlich had a lot of fun putting this list together. In fact he might make it a regular feature although he won't always use Star Wars every week. That would be very dull. The chances are, though, that it will go the same way as all of his previous regular features. Whatever happened to Challenge Yaxlich or The Adventures of Beefy McManstick? Maybe it has something to do with his short attention span. Oh look! A birdy! Again.

Shoe Debris

One of the rules in the flat that Yaxlich shares with Mr E is that people should take off their shoes in the hallway before coming up the stairs. This is presumably because Mr E doesn't want the carpets to get dirty as opposed to any kind of secret foot fetish that he may have. A little earlier this afternoon, Yaxlich went outside for a cigarette and forgot to take his shoes off when he got back indoors. He came straight up the stairs, went into the kitchen and made a cup of coffee. It was only when he came out of the kitchen that he spotted a single wet, brown leaf at the top of the stairs that he must have brought in with him from outside. This leaf was a fairly unremarkable leaf. It had no clear distinguishing features. Nothing about it suggested that it was anything other than a regular leaf. This is why Yaxlich was somewhat confused when his subconscious referred to it as "shoe debris". The voice in his head distinctly said "Oh look, Yaxlich, you have left some shoe debris at the top of the stairs". Yaxlich had never referred to anything as shoe debris previously and cannot recall anyone else ever doing so either so why did his subconscious not refer to it as a leaf when a leaf is what it was? Yaxlich pondered this for a few moments before coming to the conclusion that he had just invented a new phrase. There could be no other explanation. In the same way that Isaac Newton discovered gravity by being hit on the head with an apple thrown by William Tell, Yaxlich had invented a new phrase because he had ignored the strict house rules imposed by Mr E. If you think about it, the two scenarios are uncannily similar. He sat proudly in front of his monitor for several minutes. It isn’t every day that you invent a new phase for the English language. This would be his legacy to the world. In hundreds of years time, English students would look up the phrase “shoe debris” in Wikipedia and see that it was invented by Yaxlich Blogspot on the 12th of January 2007 after having a cigarette on a particularly blustery day. Imagine his disappointment when he checked on Google and discovered that there were already 155 references for the phrase “shoe debris”. Damn you, Google, and your all seeing eye.

Tagged

Yaxlich has been tagged by Queen Meme herself. He had decided that he was going to try to be meme free (as free as the wind blows) this year but when the Queen herself asks, you don't argue. So without further ado, Yaxlich will respond to her Highness. 1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Another mutant eyebrow. Joy. 2. How much cash do you have on you? Currently about five pounds in loose change. That's five English pounds rather than 5lbs of loose change which would be rather a lot. 3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR? Jeremy but only if you say it properly. 4. Do you label yourself? Yaxlich does label himself in case people try to put him in on a high spin. 5. Bright or Dark Room? Which do you prefer? Yaxlich spent most of yesterday in a darkened room as a result of his Guinness adventure. Does that help? 6. Why is there always a missing question? Because even a know it all needs to be surprised occasionally. 7. What does your watch look like? Yaxlich does not own a watch. Not since the incident with Mrs Peabody, the tub of Swarfega and the power hose. 8. What were you doing at midnight last night? Snoring. 9. Where is your nearest 7-11? Where Yaxlich lives is far too posh to have 7-11. Ealing, on the other hand, isn't. 10. What’s a word that you say a lot? Contrafibularity. 11. Who told you he/she loved you last? The man who smelt of wee at Oxford Circus tube station at the tail end of the Guinness Adventure. 12. Last furry thing you touched? Is Yaxlich allowed to mention his bottom here? 13. How many rolls of film do you need developed? Yaxlich does not own a camera. 14. Favorite age you have been so far? 3. Life was so much easier when he could still play with his winky in public and not get arrested. 15. Your worst enemy? Lex Luthor. Curse him and plans for world domination. 16. What is your current desktop picture? A tropical island. It is very soothing although all the water sometimes makes Yaxlich want to have a wee. 17. What was the last thing you said to someone? Thank you. 18. The last song you listened to? F.O.D. by Green Day 19. What time of day were you born? Around 7am. 20. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Admonish them sternly. 21. Do you consider yourself kind? Yes. 22. What’s your life motto? A finger of fudge is just enough until it's time to eat. 23. Name three things you have on you at all times. Frayed underpants, a copy of Librarians Wives and a small Philipino boy called Slurp. 24. Can you change the oil on a car? Not deliberately. 25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? This week to the Inland Revenue but not been posted yet. Yaxlich won't tag anyone specifically. If you feel like responding, drop him a line in the comments box. Other than that, he is sorry to have woken you up this afternoon and he hopes the lime pickle was nice.

Blogs Yaxlich Wishes He'd Written (Part One)

This is the first in a series of posts about other blogs which Yaxlich wishes he'd written. He has decided to call the series Blogs Which Yaxlich Wishes He'd Written. The first blog is Guyana Gyal. Yaxlich thinks this blog is brilliantly written and it never fails to make him chuckle. Yaxlich wishes that he could create an imaginary character and write a blog about their life every single day. The second blog in this series, or as he likes to refer to it, the number two blog, is Done A Poo. Its a blog about poo. Why wouldn't Yaxlich want to have written this? The one which made Yaxlich laugh the most was the entry for Bjork. Oh how he laughed. More to come in this series of posts about other blogs which Yaxlich wishes he'd written called Blogs Which Yaxlich Wishes He'd Written.

Bad Yaxlich

Yaxlich was very naughty yesterday. He didn't blog. You probably already knew that but he thought he'd tell you anyway. Yesterday Yaxlich mainly spent the day drinking Guinness with some friends. He didn't drink Guinness all day but quite a lot of it. Yaxlich rarely drinks so he was feeling very tipsy when he got home. The meeting up with friends wasn't just about drinking lots of Guinness. It also involved looking at possible work opportunities for Yaxlich so this was a good thing. Hopefully 2007 will be a better year for him work wise and he won't have to go to the vegetable soup place any more. This would be good although he would miss seeing Mrs Eyebrows. So there you have it. The reason why Yaxlich didn't post anything yesterday and also the reason why he is feeling very delicate this morning. If you're going to leave a comment today, can you do it very quietly?

Songs

Yaxlich has got a song stuck in his head and no matter how hard he tries, he cannot get rid of it. This happens a lot to him. For whatever reason, random songs fly into his head and then remain in there for days, buzzing around his skull and keeping him awake at night. Once he had the theme tune to Sale Of The Century in his head for four days running. After the second day, he sat down and watched the quiz stations on the TV to try to replace it with something else but to no avail. Strike It Lucky made a valiant attempt but visions of Nicholas Parsons in stockings soon filled his head once more and SOTC remained firmly entrenched. The worst thing about the whole sorry incident was that Sale Of The Century stopped broadcasting in the early 80's and, as far as he could recall, Yaxlich had not seen it since so why was it in his head? Where had it come from? Where did it go? Where had it come from, Cotton Eye Joe? Anyway, the song currently stuck in Yaxlich's head is All I Want For Christmas Is You. Not the Mariah Carey version but the one from Love Actually. It has been in his head on and off for the last month or so. Ever since Love Actually was on the TV before Christmas. Yaxlich has tried everything short of trepanning to get this song out of his head but he can't. He thinks this may be tied in with the nose bleed he had the other day. Perhaps the pressure of listening to this sickly song caused the nose goblins to revolt.

Remembered

Yaxlich has just remembered what it was that he was going to blog about earlier. It was very funny. You would have enjoyed it.

Blogadon

It has taken Yaxlich somewhere close to an hour to log in to Blogger. As a consequence, he has completely forgotten what he was going to write. He is sorry.

No Reason

There's absolutely no reason why Yaxlich is mentioning the fact that he started blogging in 2006 or that he is based in the UK or that he could be considered to be a well kept secret. There's no reason at all. In the same way there is no need to mention that Zoe, Wendz and Petite are based in Europe (not including the United Kingdom and Ireland). Therefore it stands to reason that Yaxlich would be wasting his breath stating that Jonny, Diamond Geezer and Robert are all based in the UK where, coincedentally, both Anna and Meg have been blogging since before January 1, 2002. Obviously if there were a reason for any of this, it would probably expire at 10.00pm Eastern Standard Time (GMT-5) on Wednesday, January 10. But there isn't.

Google Reader

Yaxlich uses Google Reader to keep an eye on all of his favourite blogs. It's very easy to use and they've just released an excellent stats program which means that he can look at pretty graphs to see what time of day he reads all of his friends blogs. The problem is that he hasn't put everyones blogs into Google Reader yet. Now he could go through all of his comments, his bookmarks and random Post-It notes lying around the flat and make a note of everyones blog address but he thinks it would be much easier for people just to leave a comment on this blog post if they want to be added to his Reader feeder thingy. Step right up! Add your comment but only if you're nice. Yaxlich will delete any spam comments. He only wants to play with the nice people.

Yaxlich Had A Nose Bleed

Yaxlich can't remember the last time he had a nose bleed. He thinks he was probably five. Anyway, he had one yesterday as he was sitting on the toilet. He was doing a number one, not a number two, so there wasn't an straining involved. One minute he was sitting there, minding his own business doing a wee, the next minute a torrent of blood came rushing out of his nose. Lots of clever people stop by and read his blog. Can anyone tell him why he had a nose bleed? He would look it up on Google but he's worried he might end up on someone elses Googlie list for the search phrase "why did Yaxlich get a nose bleed having a wee?" and he's not sure he could stand the public humiliation which is why he's asking you because he knows you won't tell anyone.

Eproctophilia

Yaxlich has just got back from visiting Lizza and in her latest post she mentions a book called "The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices" by Brenda Love. Yaxlich doesn't recall seeing this in Waterstones. According to this book, eproctophilia is where someone becomes sexually aroused by flatulence. Yaxlich has nothing more to say on the subject. Move along.

Favourite 2007 Googlie So Far

Yaxlich loves seeing how people found his blog through Google. These are known as Googlies. Even though it's only January 4, this one could be right up there when the awards are handed out at the end of the year. Can budgies eat sprouts? Marvellous.

Bloggies

It's nomination time for the 2007 Bloggies and Yaxlich is stuck. He made a list of all the blogs he wanted to nominate but has ended up with too many. Some of the people he wanted to nominate will either have to move to Africa, pretend that they're under 19 or think about changing their gender otherwise they won't get his vote.

2007 - The Year Of Love?

It seems that everyone is looking for love in 2007. Yaxlich has just returned from visiting petite anglaise and in her latest post she says that she is looking to find someone this year. Reading the comments section, it seems that most of her readers are hoping for the same including some regular visitors to this site. Jim, Yaxlich's friend in America, was bemoaning the fact that he was single at Christmas. Mimi also is hoping for a handsome cowboy to sweep her off her feet. Diamond Geezer surprised Yaxlich with his post about his diaries and even Yaxlich himself has said that it would be nice to have a girlfriend. Is 2007 going to be the year of Blog Love? Yaxlich hopes so. It's not money that makes the world go round. It's love. Love and also the original angular momentum that was there in the solar nebula from which the Earth was formed.

French People

Yaxlich is a bit confused. He has just seen that French protesters spent their New Years Eve protesting against the year 2007. As soon as midnight struck, they began planning their campaign to stop 2008 happening. Now Yaxlich doesn't pretend to be an educated man. He left school when he was 16 so didn't study at university or anything like that but, as far as he can see, there are some things which, no matter how much you wish they won't happen, will happen. Acne. Taxes. Old age. Death. Day. Night. A new year starting at the end of the old one. These things seem to be fairly non-negotiable. He really can't see the point in spending time holding a protest. Still, what does Yaxlich know? He doesn't smell of garlic, wear a stripy tee shirt, own a beret or have a sister wife.