Subscribe to The World of Yaxlich

Shaggy Blog Stories
: a collection of amusing tales from the UK blogosphere.

Powered by Blogger

Yaxlich powered by 



Add this blog to my Technorati 


Bestest Blog of All Time

Surf random blogs...powered by

British Blog Directory.

Thursday, January 25, 2007


As regular readers will know, Yaxlich is currently out of work. As a result he has to take a trip to the vegetable soup place every two weeks to prove that he has been actively trying to find work. He has to write down all of the jobs that he has applied for and tell them if there have been any change in his circumstances. This is to prevent people from claiming benefits under false pretences.

Yaxlich is an honest man. He's not one of those people who are looking to scam the Government out of money whilst he's secretly running a multi million pound industry from his bedroom. He has worked all of his life and he is sure that this temporary lack of work is exactly that.

You may remember that Yaxlich had a days work back in December. Being the honest, upright citizen that he is, Yaxlich told the people at the vegetable soup place and completed the relevant forms. His mummy has always told him that honesty is the best policy.

Yesterday Yaxlich received a letter from the benefits people telling him that he is no longer entitled to any money. This letter was followed by another one this morning from the local council saying that they will no longer be paying Mr E any money. He rang them up to ask why and he was told it was because he was now back in employment. He explained that he had only worked one day and had no other work lined up. He was told that his case would be reviewed but, in the meantime, all payments would be suspended until he returned all of the appropriate forms. He pointed out that he had completed all of the forms given to him by the people at the vegetable soup place but they insisted that he complete some new ones.

Yaxlich tries not to get angry about things but, on this occasion, he will make an exception. He is absolutely livid that by being honest and telling them that he'd worked for one single day that they are now stopping his money whilst there are thousands of people out there claiming benefits fraudulently which they are doing nothing about. He sees them every fortnight. They sign on, tell the clerks that they're not working despite the fact they're covered in paint and cement dust and then jump back into their vans parked outside and go back to work. Why are they not targeting them? Why are they targeting someone who has hit a rough patch but who is honest about when he has worked?

He is going to ring the "helpline" again tomorrow to see what is happening. They will have received the 10 page document he had to complete by then. 10 pages for one days work. He couldn't understand a word that the woman said on the phone when he called yesterday. He hopes that he gets to speak to someone with less of an accent tomorrow.

If you have come to visit Yaxlich in expectation of something witty or funny or because you entered "poo bum fart" into Google, he is sorry that you have been disappointed. Full refunds are available by calling 0845 666 9000. You'll need to complete a 10 page form to qualify for your refund and the chances are that you won't get it anyway.

Comments on "Bastards"


Blogger Sablonneuse said ... (12:24 pm) : 

Oh Yaxlich. I'm not surprised you're livid. There is so much unfairness in the 'system' but it's much worse when it affects someone you know (if you'll excuse the word, I accept I don't really know you but you are real!)
I'm just sorry that all I can do is sympathise instead of being able to offer you a job. Here's hoping things get better for you - and quickly.


Blogger CJ said ... (1:25 pm) : 

Give the vegetable soup workers rotten eggs for lunch!
Sorry dude :(


Blogger mad muthas said ... (1:30 pm) : 

what an utterly cruddy thing to happen! and all the more so because you were trying to do the right thing.


Blogger Guyana-Gyal said ... (2:24 pm) : 


Email this post to all radio stations, newspapers and your MP.

I hope you find a good, solid, long term job soon, Yaxlich.


Blogger john.g. said ... (3:38 pm) : 

Yaxlich, John.G. is sorry to hear of your predicament. Have a look at these sites i heard about on Radio 5 live.

The first one may have crahed by now, good luck.


Blogger Wendz said ... (5:04 pm) : 

That more than sucks Yaxlich. Really it is horrible and I feel your frustration.

Sympathy and empathy don't help you, I know, but I feel it anyway.


Anonymous hhh said ... (6:04 pm) : 

Poor Yaxlich. Can I suggest you get together with that Non Working Monkey who was recently talking (well writing if I'm being accurate) of firebombing all such places?


Anonymous Ignorminious said ... (6:14 pm) : 

What a bunch of wankers! Just coz they aren't able to satisfy their partners, doesn't mean they have to take out their stress on you. You think the system would be designed to cater for one off days of work. It isn't like they are so rare that no unemployed people ever manage to score them!


Blogger Yaxlich said ... (7:44 pm) : 

Yaxlich thanks everyone for their kind words and support. It is very frustrating to be penalised for being honest and it's something that Yaxlich has learnt from.

He will be speaking with the benefits people again tomorrow so will post an update once he knows what's happening.

Life smells of dogs winkies sometimes.


Blogger john.g. said ... (8:32 pm) : 

What DO dogs winkies smell of??


Anonymous Sim said ... (8:45 pm) : 

Sorry to hear about the system buggering you around. They did the same to me many many years ago - I found that being quiet, concise and speaking to managers and line managers worked a treat. It did take a bit of time though. Use the force Yaxlich.

And don;t forget to compliment the woman giving you stick behind the counter on her dog winkie perfume. You so know it's her!


Blogger Lizza said ... (10:03 pm) : 


Unfathomable, bureaucracy is most times. Wishing Yaxlich the best results that can possibly come out of this.


Blogger Sally Lomax said ... (10:19 pm) : 

I sympathise completely.

I was put in a situration where I had to close my business at the beginning of December and, although the franchisor that I had the business with has offered to let me work for them until they find a buyer, during December and until the middle of Jan I had no work.

I did though have an insurance policy to protect me, but the condition was that I sigend on. And, having paid tax and NI for many years, I went along to our local Cabbage Soup place.

And this is the catch........

The Cabbage Soupl people said that because I ahd paid a self employed stamp and not an employed one (class 2 instead of 1), I am not entitled to unemployment benefit. It has cost me the same over the years. I have been spared nothing in terms of cost. They will however pay my class 1 stamp for me!! Fathom that!!

Meanwhile the insurance company says that because I made myself voluntariy unemployed ( which I did not) that I can't claim that either.

Can't fight the cabbage soup guys, but am fighting the insurance company.

So, so far I have paid vast NI contributions for goodness knows how many years - to no avail and a huge upfront premium on my insurace policy - to no avail.

Had neither hubby nor I ever worked, right now they would be happy to pay. NO justice.



Blogger Sally Lomax said ... (10:22 pm) : 

p.s. I do hope that your guys will see sense. CLearly someone has filled in one of the ten forms wrongly, but meanwhile you are left without money.


Blogger ExAfrica said ... (1:51 am) : 

Oh Yax, sorry for your recent bad luck.
I'm mailing off a package of Fig Newtons (don't ask... just google it) soon to a Dutch friend - email me and I'll send you some too. You may be broke - but at least you'll still have your figs.


Blogger thegirl said ... (10:39 am) : 

They are UTTER bastards. Take it from me: a freelancer who, when working on 'dailies' (the odd day's work on a movie, not on a contract) would sometimes have only 3-4 days work in a month - and they STILL tried to remove my benefits when I was registered unemployed.

The way to do it (and this is legal) (ish) is to state that it was TEMPORARY work and less than 16 hours long (per week). Then they cannot sign you off (and make you lose all your benefit entitlements), but they will cut your dosh (temporarily) for each pound that you earn above the JSA level.

I know, hindsight, etc. Really sorry you're going through this: it sucks. Best of luck that the paperwork gets sorted asap.


Blogger enid said ... (10:51 am) : 

bah, that's horrible yaxlich. enid feels every sympathy because she hates the cabbage soup people too. they stopped her payment, and in the end she wrote them a very, very stroppy letter and it seemed to work, because they started paying her her £20 a week again.


Blogger Yaxlich said ... (11:27 am) : 

Yaxlich will be calling them this afternoon. When he spoke with them yesterday they said the paperwork hadn't been received so call back.

He is genuinely very grateful to everyone who has offered support and advice.


Blogger Yaxlich said ... (2:42 pm) : 

They still haven't received the paperwork. Useless people.


Blogger Milk & Two Sugars said ... (2:01 am) : 

MTS realises that she's a bit late, but she wants to offer her sympathy to Yaxlich:


There. She hopes that by now, the paperwork has "mysteriously turned up" exactly where it was supposed to be. As it always seems to with vegetable soup organisations.


Blogger Yaxlich said ... (5:36 pm) : 

They're still saying the paperwork hasn't turned up and they're not returning his calls. Yaxlich wants to cry.


Blogger Milk & Two Sugars said ... (10:11 am) : 

MTS' solution was always to rock up really, really early, sometimes before her vegetable soup place opened. Veggie soup people are always more willing to help you in the mornings, before they've been abused by several dozen people.

MTS also used to explain all the things she'd already done, in their logical, beaurocratic order, before she let the veggie soup people get a word in, and say exactly how she wanted the conversation to end. This helped because they couldn't say, "Well, have you filled in..."

Oh, and she smiled nicely. She's not sure whether that helped, but she hopes it did.

PS. Tea at Ten is #2 on Google for the search 'centrelink bastard'. MTS really relates to Yaxlich's predicament right now.


Blogger Yaxlich said ... (11:02 am) : 

In an inspired move, the section of the Job Centre which deals with his claim is based in Belfast making early morning trips nigh on impossible. He is due to see them today anyway as part of his fortnightly pilgrimage so he will smile nicely and possibly flash some cleavage.


Blogger Milk & Two Sugars said ... (11:28 am) : 

LOL Yaxlich must be careful, he wouldn't want his moment of minor sexual exposure to go down a path that sees him performing sexual favours in return for the veggie soup peoples' co-operation. He'd have to change his name to Erin Brokovich.


Blogger Yaxlich said ... (1:24 pm) : 

No name change required. The cleavage flashing worked as you'll see in his latest post.


post a comment

Links to "Bastards"

Create a Link