Clenchometer Back In Storage

The agoraphobic Peruvian has gone back to darkest, deepest Peru for Christmas and doesn't return until the middle of January. Yaxlich hopes that she has a very nice Christmas dinner of grilled guinea pigs and marmalade sandwiches. In a funny way, Yaxlich will miss her as she does make Yaxlich tea sometimes and, since he isn't a very good cook, it's nice to have something that isn't (a) burnt or (b) undercooked. It is also amusing when she talks to her friends in Spanish. He always thinks of the Fast Show and waits for her to say scorchio or Buotros Buotros Gali. She never does, though. However, for all of the reasons that he will miss her, there is one overriding and obvious reason why he won't. For six weeks there will be no more lining the bowl with toilet paper to prevent splash back. No more intense muscle control during the physical act of dropping the kids off at the pool. No more "popping outside for a cigarette" to release a stomach cramping fart. For six whole weeks Yaxlich can put the Clenchometer back in it's box and go back to enjoying one of his favourite leisure pursuits. The copy of Paperweight by Stephen Fry can return to it's rightful place next to the crocheted lady on top of the toilet rolls. The Uncle Bens hot chilli sauce can go back on the menu. The toilet roll can go back in the fridge. Yaxlich suggests that his readers buy shares in Andrex.