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Friday, December 08, 2006

Condoms

The BBC website runs a story about condoms being too big for Indian men. Apparently the majority of Indian men have got a small winky. Here is a quote from the article:

"The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms"

International standard? Yaxlich was not aware that there was such a thing. He has just had a quick check and cannot see any kind of EU branding on his winky. There is no British Standards kitemark or anything.

He is now concerned that his winky does not conform to the "international standard". How will he know if his winky does conform or not? Is there somewhere he can go to check? Do they have special EU enforcement officers to ensure that all winkies comply with the regulations? Without the appropriate certification, does it mean that Yaxlich will have to deposit his in a bin outside the local police station at the next Winky Amnesty?

Comments on "Condoms"

 

Anonymous Ignorminious said ... (5:17 pm) : 

Hehe! I've met a few Indian men in my time who looked like they were over compensating for something ;)

Ignorminious has not checked his winky yet, but assumes he'd have noticed by now if it had a kitemark on it. He also fears the need to hand his winky in at a police station, although he intends to check about that with the duty officer before getting his winky out and placing it on the counter.

 

Blogger Mystic Wing said ... (6:07 pm) : 

Check the bottom of your scrotum, where you will see the bar code stamp.

Then go to any local retailer, and scan your winky at the cashier's. The cash register will then give you your winky specifications.

It's great fun. Try it.

 

Blogger Richard said ... (6:13 pm) : 

I'm a little concerned now too. As an Englishman living in Atlanta, Georgia, USA. Whose standards should my winky conform to?

It was created British but is now apparently under the jurisdiction of City, State and Federal law.

I'm checking now to see if there is a kitemark ot ISO stamp but currently can see nothing.

Now the problem is getting bigger.

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (6:14 pm) : 

BOYS !!!!!

PUT THEM DOWN.....

 

Blogger Huw said ... (8:59 pm) : 

There could be some hefty EU subsidies available for those of us with sub-standard winkies to bring us up to standard.

Er, I mean, those of them. Not me, lady readers.

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:07 pm) : 

I guess that clinches it boys - sounds like some scientific testing of standards needs to be done...

 

Anonymous john.g. said ... (9:25 pm) : 

winky will or winky wont, that is
the question.

 

Blogger Jim McKee said ... (11:06 pm) : 

Maybe a lady named Bin outside the local police station...

;-]

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:23 pm) : 

Okay, but as far as condom use goes - how does length play a role? I mean width is the key fit factor, isn't it?? Shorter fellas just don't roll it down as far. Or am I bitterly wrong. Guys?

 

Blogger Yaxlich said ... (11:41 pm) : 

Ignorminious - Yaxlich thinks that checking with the duty officer first is a very good idea.

Mystic Wing - Thank you for the advice regarding the positioning of the bar code. Yaxlich will investigate further and report back although the last time he checked it just looked like a collection of surplus elbow skin.

Richard - Yaxlich thinks that your winky might be able to claim diplomatic immunity.

Huw - if you do find out, could you let Yaxlich know? Not that he needs such a subsidy anyway, of course. No. Not at all.

John G - it certainly is a question although it's not the most pressing one on Yaxlich's mind at the moment. He's more concerned whether the penis police or cock cops will bust him for having an illegal doodah.

Jim - that might be a method of testing. After you have completed the test you can say "Bin there, done that"

Anonymous - Yaxlich doesn't know if you are the same person in all three comments. He is now very confused but he has put it down, he is interested in the offer of scientific research (although he doesn't want to be put in the cage next to the smoking beagles) and the final comment does pose an interesting question. Yaxlich thinks he will go to his local Indian corner shop tomorrow and ask from some roll ups and see what he gets in return.

 

Blogger CJ said ... (10:45 am) : 

Wouldn't a better winky test be winky technique rather than winky width or length? I am just saying....

 

Blogger Yaxlich said ... (4:13 pm) : 

It depends on what the winky test is for. In the context of the original article, technique would not come into play due to the Indian gentlemens shortcomings.

 

Blogger Prometheus said ... (9:50 pm) : 

Time for Prometheus to get a new nationality.

 

Blogger Yaxlich said ... (10:26 pm) : 

Prometheus should never forget his nationality. He should stand tall. He should stand proud.

 

Blogger Tish said ... (11:18 pm) : 

short comings?

bahaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaa

 

Blogger Yaxlich said ... (12:38 am) : 

Tish sounds like one of Rhys' housemates. Whatever happened to Rhys? He never blogs anymore.

 

Blogger CJ said ... (12:10 pm) : 

Maybe one could be given a nationality according to winky size.

 

Blogger Yaxlich said ... (12:25 pm) : 

It would certainly make passport control an interesting experience.

 

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