Pant Aid Update

Yaxlich would like to thank the person who just donated to Pant Aid. They asked Yaxlich not to mention their name on his blog. If you wish to donate to Pant Aid but remain anonymous, please let Yaxlich know when you contribute through PayPal. It is past Yaxlich's bed time now so he is going to go to sleep dreaming about Britney Spears, his possible new job and the potential of new underpants.

Handy Job

As regular readers of Yaxlich's blog will know, he is not working at the moment. The health section on the BBC website has alerted Yaxlich to a possible vacancy which he will be looking into. He will keep you updated on his progress although he probably won't disclose too much about his preparation for interview.

Mel Gibson

Yaxlich should really be looking for a job today but he has found himself looking through lots of different blogs and websites about blogging. His eyes are starting to hurt now so he will have a lie down for a bit. Whilst looking at the internet Yaxlich found out that the actor Mel Gibson has been arrested for drink driving. According to the TMZ website, Mr Gibson is supposed to have said a lot of nasty things to the policeman who arrested him including some anti-semitic things which Yaxlich had to look up on Wikipedia to see what that meant. The police report says "Gibson almost continually [sic] threatened me saying he 'owns Malibu' and will spend all of his money to 'get even' with me." Yaxlich wonders if he also owns Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, Captain Morgan and Absolut Vodka.

More Pant Aid Donations

Whilst Yaxlich was writing his last post, Zoe from My Boyfriend Is A Twat very generously contributed towards Pant Aid. Yaxlich would like to thank Zoe and he promises to buy pants bigger than the ones the Twat is modelling on your blog.

Funny Blog

Whilst looking for Bob Geldof's phone number, Yaxlich found a blog called My Boyfriend Is A Twat which is written by a woman from England who now lives in Belgium. This blog has made Yaxlich laugh so he thought he would share it with you. He found this entry particularly amusing. Yaxlich did not know much about Belgium so has been doing some research. He has discovered that Belgium invented waffles, French fries and phlegm.

Pant Aid Donations

Yaxlich would like to thank Silly Man who is from America, where they also have the internet, for being the first person to donate to Pant Aid. Yaxlich now needs another nine people to donate so that he can buy a bumper pack of underpants from Matalan for $10.

UK's Most Irritating Things

The BBC website has today published a list of the top ten most irritating things in the UK. Cold callers Caravans Queue-jumpers James Blunt Traffic wardens People who tailgate Brown-nosers Chantelle and Preston from Big Brother Ex-smokers Noisy neighbours Yaxlich likes it when cold callers ring him because he doesn't have very many friends and doesn't get out to talk to people very often. He used to get a lot of people calling him but the phone calls seem to have stopped ever since Yaxlich started telling all the cold callers about his medical condition.

Big In Japan

Yaxlich discovered that one of his posts is on the Nipponify website - a news service for Japan. Yaxlich believes the internet is a wonderful thing. Only a short post today because Yaxlich is busy trying to find a telephone number for Bob Geldof to see if he will help with Pant Aid.

Ugly Animals

Yaxlich can't sleep again. Despite the thunderstorm earlier, it is still too hot. Yaxlich tried to go to bed earlier but he couldn't get to sleep so, instead, he is looking around the internet at lots of different blogs. He has just found Ugly Overload. It is a blog dedicated to ugly animals. The latest picture is of a fish with lipstick. Possibly it's the heat. Possibly it's tiredness. Either way, Yaxlich found this mildly arousing.

Pant Aid

As regular readers of Yaxlich's blog will know, Yaxlich suffers from a rare medical condition called Betty Swollocks. This particularly affects Yaxlich when the weather is hot and forces Yaxlich to put his underpants in the fridge. This summer in England it has been very hot and Yaxlich has suffered greatly with his medical condition. Most days it has been in the 80's and Yaxlich has not enjoyed it one little bit. As a result of the current hot weather, Yaxlich is running out of underpants. Yaxlich is unemployed so can't afford to buy any new underpants. Today Yaxlich is launching Pant Aid. You can help Yaxlich buy some new underpants by making a donation to the Pant Aid appeal. It costs one dollar to make a donation. Yaxlich is using PayPal for the Pant Aid appeal as they are a very safe company to use. Please help Yaxlich buy some new underpants. He is getting very uncomfortable and is starting to chafe.

Secret Tenerife

Yaxlich was on the World of Bloggers website this afternoon and he found a blog called Secret Tenerife. A lot of English people go to Tenerife to escape English life for two weeks. They do this by eating an English breakfast in an English pub drinking English beer and watching English TV. The reason why Yaxlich is mentioning the Secret Tenerife website is because he has discovered that there is a Spanish Father Christmas and his name is Santa Cruz.

Counting Sheep

Yaxlich would like to apologise to New Zealand. In his blog on Wednesday he incorrectly stated that New Zealand has a population of 40 million sheep. They actually have 80 million sheep. Yaxlich would like to thank Rhys from the World of Bloggers website for counting them again so quickly.

Food Of Love

Yaxlich has just had his lunch. He had toasted cheese sandwiches. The bread was thick white sliced bread and the cheese was was mature red cheddar cheese. Yaxlich had a cup of black coffee with half a teaspoon of sugar. As a result Yaxlich now wants to make babies with Kate Moss. Actually Yaxlich doesn't want to make babies with Kate Moss. He is already too confused as to whether he is allowed to be in love with Britney Spears and Lisa Simpson at the same time. The only reason Yaxlich says this is because a study in The British Journal of Psychology suggests that men who are hungry find heavier women more attractive than those who are not hungry. Yaxlich is glad that he read this report. This would explain what he saw in the alleyway next to the kebab shop last Friday night.

Google AdSense

Yaxlich has just read an article on the BBC News website about Google. They have just paid out $90m in a "click fraud" case in America, where they also have the internet. This might explain why in the last week Yaxlich has been made aware of four people who have had their Google AdSense accounts closed down just as they're reaching the minimum $100 payout. Yaxlich hopes Google don't do that to him. He's relying on this money as he's running out of underpants.

Bicycle Wheels

Yesterday in London it was 86°F and not the 93°F which was promised earlier in the week although Yaxlich still suffered from his medical condition. Today it is 86°F which is the same temperature as yesterday. Yaxlich would like to thank the gentleman who sent him an email enquiring about his medical condition. Yaxlich didn't understand the rest of the email but he can confirm that his bicycle wheels are fine and don't require the service you offered.

A World Of Bloggers

Yaxlich is very pleased to learn that he is the representative of the United Kingdom on the World of Bloggers website. The World of Bloggers website is run by a man called Rhys who lives in a country called New Zealand which Yaxlich has learnt is a very long way from England. In fact it's 11,384 miles away. Yaxlich didn't know very much about New Zealand so has spent the last hour doing some research. Here are some of the things he has learned. They share the same Queen as England and have her every third Tuesday of the month. 4.1 million people live in New Zealand. 40 million sheep live in New Zealand. Velcro trousers and thigh length waders are the top selling items in New Zealand shops. New Zealand is twelve hours ahead of England which means that today is actually tomorrow in New Zealand. In 1893 New Zealand was the first country to allow women to vote. In 1894 the New Zealand flag was changed to a pretty chintz design with frilly ruffles. The countries biggest export is bar tenders.

Sideshow Bob

Talking of The Simpsons, which Yaxlich was doing yesterday, he sees that Sideshow Bob will be playing football for Manchester United next season.

The Internet And Betty Swollocks

Yaxlich has found looking around the internet (which is also available in America) very frustrating today. A lot of the sites that Yaxlich normally looks at have either not been available or very slow. Yaxlich was sent an e-mail earlier today asking him if he wanted to look at some "XXX Hot Web Sites". When Yaxlich looked at these websites it was clear that they were very hot (which is presumably what the XXX stands for) because the people on the sites had taken off all their clothes and were very sweaty. Some of them had sun tan lotion on their faces which they hadn't rubbed in properly. This made Yaxlich think. When he is hot and suffering with his medical condition, he doesn't want to do much and sometimes disappears without telling anyone. Maybe the internet suffers from Betty Swollocks too.

The Simpsons

Kiefer Sutherland is going to appear in the next series of The Simpsons. Kiefer Sutherland is one of Yaxlich's favourite actors. He is in a TV series which is split into 24 episodes and is set over a 24 hour period called 'Lost'. Yaxlich likes The Simpsons as it makes him laugh. His favourite character is Grandpa Simpson as he always says something funny although if Yaxlich were honest, he's started to get feelings towards Lisa Simpson. This confuses Yaxlich. Yaxlich is in love with Britney Spears. Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?

Flying The Flag And Mr Dobbie

Yaxlich is very pleased to see that an old fashioned law which made it illegal to fly the English flag has been scrapped although it now means that he has to find somewhere else to hang his washing. Whilst looking at the internet, which is also available in America, Yaxlich found a story which made him feel sad. A man called Joseph Dobbie met a girl called Kate Winsall at a party and sent her an e-mail to see if she would like to accompany him to the Tate Modern for a coffee. The girl sent this e-mail to her sister and it has now been seen by millions of people worldwide. This makes Yaxlich sad. Mr Dobbie is clearly a romantic person who felt that by expressing his emotions to Kate that she would recognise a good hearted man who would love her and cherish her and look after her for years to come. He used romantic, poetic prose to woo a woman whose smile made "time stand still" and it was thrown back in his face. He chose to express his innermost feelings in a private e-mail which should never have been read by anyone apart from Kate Winsall. This is not what makes Yaxlich sad. Yaxlich is sad because nobody forwarded the e-mail to him.

Far Away People And More Betty Swollocks

Yaxlich had someone visit his blog this morning from Argentina which is 6709 miles from London in England where Yaxlich lives. Yaxlich doesn't know very much about Argentina apart from the fact that they grow corned beef there and it is near lots of mountains called Andy. Yaxlich saw Argentina in the World Cup and they had a fat man called Dago as their mascot. Yaxlich doesn't know how hot it gets in Argentina but in London it is still very hot. The weather forecast from the BBC says that it will be 93° on Wednesday. This news does not please Yaxlich. As you know, Yaxlich suffers from a medical condition called Betty Swollocks and this increase in temperature is sure to bring on another extreme attack. As a result Yaxlich has stacked up all of underpants in the fridge in preperation.

5952 Miles

Only a short post today as Yaxlich is allowed out on Sunday's. Yesterday Yaxlich was visited by someone from Japan which is 5952 miles away. Actually this person didn't visit Yaxlich as such as he probably doesn't know where Yaxlich lives. He visited Yaxlich's blog. He also had a visitor from Israel. Yaxlich would like to say to the visitor from Israel that he hopes that you're keeping safe.

5439 Miles

Yaxlich is very pleased that he installed his new web counter yesterday. The lovely people at Site Meter give him all sorts of statistics as to who has visited his blog and where they come from. Yaxlich is also very pleased to see that they really do have the internet in America as someone from California looked at his blog yesterday and they live 5439 miles away. Yaxlich feels proud that a fellow blogger from California has taken time out from roller blading along the beach front to read his little space on the internet. Yesterday Yaxlich got visitors from Canada where they make bacon and from Germany where they eat cabbage that smells funny.

Why It Took So Long

Today Yaxlich added a site counter to his blog. It has taken him 3 months to add it. Yaxlich had forgotten that he'd joined Site Meter. Maybe this is what the nice man from PC World was telling Yaxlich when his computer broke. Yaxlich wishes he spoke Urdu now.

Meeting Britney Spears

Two things have happened to Yaxlich over the last 24 hours which means that he is now very close to achieving a lifelong ambition. Meeting Britney Spears. She lives in America where they also have the internet. Firstly Yaxlich wrote to Queen of the Sky to wish her well with her book. Last night she replied to thank Yaxlich. This now means that Yaxlich knows a real, live American. Secondly, Yaxlich found the Geofftech blog. Geoff used to work for the BBC website which you will probably know is one of Yaxlich's chief research sources and is one of his favourite websites. Geoff now lives in America! This is even better than getting a reply from the Queen of the Sky, who Yaxlich doesn't think is a real Queen. An Englishman living in America. Not only that but Geoff lives in South Carolina and Britney lives in Louisiana. These two states are both in the south of America where everyone wears belts made out of bibles. Regular readers of Yaxlich's blog may recall when he discovered that America had the internet and the things he learnt about Americans. Yaxlich has now learnt 10 more things about America thanks to Geoff. Yaxlich is very happy and doesn't even mind his severe case of Betty Swollocks this morning. He is going to meet Britney!

Betty Swollocks and Blogging

Yaxlich is very hot today. The temperature in London, England at the moment is 84°F - tomorrow it will be nearly 90°. Yaxlich doesn't like it when it gets hot. He sweats a lot and has to change his underpants regularly due to a condition known as Betty Swollocks which was named after the woman who first caught it. Yaxlich wonders if the extremely hot weather is connected with this thing he has read about called global warming where the ice caps worn by polar bears melt and most of France drowns. Yaxlich doesn't like the sound of that. He likes polar bears. In between changing his underpants and sticking his head in the fridge, Yaxlich has also been reading the internet. Not all of it, mind. It's very big and is even bigger now that they have it in America too. Yaxlich found that a woman in France has been sacked because she wrote a blog at work. Considering what's happening with the polar bears and everything else that is going on in France Yaxlich thinks that they should have plenty of other things to worry about. Whilst reading more about Petite Anglais, Yaxlich found another woman who was sacked for writing a blog. Queen of the Sky was sacked for posting "inappropriate" pictures in her uniform on her blog. Yaxlich finds all of this very odd. Petite Anglais did not mention anything about her employers in her blog so why would they fire her? Queen of the Sky is a good advert for her company. Yaxlich cannot believe how much leg room you get on Anonymous International Airlines planes.

PlayStation Addiction Clinic

Yaxlich sees that a clinic offering treatment for people who are addicted to playing computer games has opened in Holland. Apparently you have to hit L1, L1, Triangle, R1, R1, X, Square to open the door.

Pretty Russian Girls

Yaxlich gets a lot of emails sent to him every day from pretty Russian girls who want to marry him. This makes Yaxlich very happy. Or at least it used to make Yaxlich happy until he discovered that these pretty Russian girls weren't real but were, in fact, ugly Russian men trying to steal Yaxlich's credit card. Yaxlich has discovered that this is called spam. According to Monty Python, who was a man who lived a long time ago, King Arthur used to eat ham and jam and spam a lot in Camelot. King Arthur lived hundreds of years ago and had a round table which must have been difficult to buy because Ikea hadn't been invented yet. Nor had Sweden. Yaxlich has spent the day looking at lots of sites on the internet about spam and has also discovered that the Nigerian princess who is coming to live in Yaxlich's road and wanted him to look after her money for her doesn't exist either. Yaxlich is also not likely to receive his diploma from Harvard which is in America where they also have the internet. Yaxlich has been advised to put something call a spam blocker onto his computer. Yaxlich was surprised to see on one of the internet sites he visited that a man was having spam withdrawal symptoms after installing a spam blocker. He hopes it doesn't make his computer corrupt so that he has to learn Urdu to speak to the man from PC World again. Yaxlich hopes that any pretty Russian girls who really want to marry him will still find him as Yaxlich is lonely and wants somebody to love.

The Queen And Fan Mail For Yaxlich

The Queen decided not to go to Princess Beatrice's 18th birthday party last night. A lot of fuss was made on the radio about this but Yaxlich thinks that the Queen made the right decision. Beatrice would have only been embarrassed by her nana as she was staggering around at midnight with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, smudged mascara and flashing her tits at random strangers as she bounced down Windsor High Street to Pavlos' kebab shop for a large doner. Prince Philip wouldn't have been too impressed with his wife's behaviour either. Today, July 16th, is an important day in the life of Yaxlich. Today Yaxlich got his first comment on his Blog. This constitutes fan mail to Yaxlich. Yaxlich would like to thank the mysterious b for their posting and would like to say that he is pleased you like his Blog and that it makes you laugh. Seeing small children falling over makes Yaxlich laugh.

iRony

Yaxlich has just considered that, perhaps, the competition is ironic and by not owning an iPod that he is missing the point. Yaxlich is tired, confused and wants to go to bed.

iPod Spoof

Yaxlich was sent a link to this site : iPod Spoof 2006. A lot of people say that Yaxlich is simple but even he doesn't understand a competition where there is : a) no prize b) the organiser admits that they're going to win Yaxlich doesn't own an iPod so maybe he is missing out on some kind of iPod irony here. Whatever the reason is, though, Yaxlich voted for a couple of the sites because they made him laugh. Maybe people are smarter than Yaxlich thinks.

Four Figure Beer Guts

According to the BBC Website, the average UK male spends over a thousand pounds a year on beer. The research says that British men spend around 5% of their take home pay on beer and kebabs. This equates to around £1,144 ($2,100) a year. This is shocking news to Yaxlich. If the average British male is spending 5% of his take home pay on beer and kebabs it means that he's wasting the other 95%.

Some Other Things

Since Yaxlich is still up past his bed time, he thought he would share some other information with you that he has discovered on his snuffly, sniffly day at home on the internet. Firstly, due to his Summer cold, Yaxlich has spent the day surfing the internet with a box of Kleenex next to the keyboard. This has not happened since Yaxlich stumbled across the Britney and Justin video online. Secondly, Yaxlich has found out that MySpace is now the most visited site in America (where they also have the internet). According to the CNN report, MySpace accounted for 4.8% of all US internet traffic last weekend. Yaxlich is surprised by this as every time he tries to look at his friends pages on MySpace the server is always too busy. Thirdly, Yaxlich found an old school friend on IMDb today. For obvious reasons, Yaxlich would like to keep both his and his friends identity quiet. Yaxlich promises, though, that once he has spoken to his friend that he will let you know a bit more. Fourthly, the e-mails Yaxlich received last week were not just because of the 7/7 anniversary. He has received another three this week already. Perhaps Yaxlich is missing the point. Fifthly, Yaxlich has just made up a word. He is pretty certain that the word fifthly has never been used before. Sixthly (definitely used by Henry VIII when describing his marriages), 'Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy' is a rubbish movie. The original radio series was much better although Yaxlich liked it when the original Marvin from the TV series made an appearance. Seventhly, Turkish people have a sense of humour Eighthly, Yahoo! Messenger and MSN Messenger users can now talk to each other directly. Yaxlich believes that this will begin a glorious marriage between the two companies that will eventually lead to total world domination by Microsoft whereby all children regardless of sex will be called Bill. Yaxlich says ditch Bill and only speak to people on Yahoo! Yaxlich has seen many more things on the internet today but is now very tired and wants to go to bed.

Dead Buttons

It's late at night and Yaxlich should really be in bed but he has just found a Blog on the internet from America, where they also have the internet, and discovered that the actor Red Buttons is dead. The Blog that told him this is called Red Buttons Is Dead. In the UK they call this a spoiler.

Fat People

Yaxlich discovered today that there is a non-profit organisation which helps people who are overweight. The organisation is called The Obesity Awareness & Solutions Trust. "The primary aim of the Charity has always been to ensure that people whose lives are affected by obesity have an impact on policies and treatment, and to this end the main work that we undertook initially was to raise the issues of obesity and overweight as a matter for policy makers to take seriously". Is Yaxlich alone in thinking that it's a little ironic that an organisation dedicated to stopping fat people thinking about food all the time is called TOAST?

Summer Snuffles

Yaxlich still has a cold and is feeling miserable about it. Not even the thought of visiting America and seeing Pork Chop is making him happy today. Yaxlich thought about Britney Spears for 10 minutes earlier today and even that didn't raise a smile. Or anything else. In between sneezing and blowing his nose, Yaxlich has been hunting the internet (which is also available in America) for interesting stories. He has seen that a Canadian man called Kyle MacDonald has just swapped a paper clip for a new house. Mr MacDonald will be living in a place called Kipling where they make exceedingly good cakes.

Pork Chop Caught A Rabbit

Pork Chop caught a bunny rabbit last week. In fact, according to his Blog, Pork Chop has been a very busy African American hound. Yaxlich likes Pork Chop and wants to meet him someday.

Yaxlich Has A Cold

Yaxlich has a cold and is feeling miserable today. Yaxlich doesn't understand why he has a cold in the Summer. He has a runny nose and a cough. This makes Yaxlich sad. Yaxlich looked on the internet to find out about Summer colds and according to the Consumer Health Information Clinic they last 10 days and might lead to bronchitis, sinusitis and otitis media. Yaxlich doesn't like the sound of the first two but doesn't mind getting the last one as he loves 'Sitting On The Dock Of A Bay'.

July 7

Yaxlich is normally a very happy person. He smiles at the world as it passes by his window and believes that all people are good. Today Yaxlich is sad. It is one year ago since the London bombings and Yaxlich feels that the world is becoming an even more frightening place to live in. Sometimes Yaxlich wishes he could live on another world where people are nice to each other but this isn't possible because spaceships aren't allowed to take passengers only astronauts which is a shame. 52 people were going to work a year ago. 52 people did not come home a year ago. Why? Because some people didn't agree with their prime minister or the prime minister of America (where they also have the internet). Yaxlich has received another e-mail like the one he showed you yesterday. This one he won't put on his blog because it has got some rude words in it and Yaxlich doesn't like rude words except the ones Pete says in Big Brother because he's funny. The e-mail talks about how sad it is that it's now illegal to be English in England and how sad it is that when people come to live in England that they want to change the country and make it like where they came from except for all the nasty bits they ran away from in the first place. The e-mail suggests that if they don't like the way England is that they should, and this is where the naughty word was, go and live somewhere else. Yaxlich wonders if it is a coincedance that he received these e-mails around the anniversary of the London bombings or if it is part of a growing feeling in the country. Yaxlich just wants to be happy and for people to be nice to each other. Yaxlich is sad today.

One Year On

Tomorrow will mark the first anniversary of the 7/7 terror attack in London. Two minutes silence is to be held at 12 noon to remember the 52 people who died. Yaxlich remembers the day as if it were yesterday. The eerie silence around the streets of London. The fear of not knowing if a friend or loved one was hurt. The anger. The pain. The feeling of helplessness. Tomorrow at 12 noon Yaxlich will bow his head, shed a tear and pray for the 52 innocent people who were murdered on the 7th July 2005. James Adams Samantha Badham Philip Beer Anna Brandt Ciaran Cassidy Rachelle ChungFor Yuen Elizabeth Daplyn Arthur Frederick Karolina Gluck Gamze Gunoral Lee Harris Ojara Ikeagwu Emily Jenkins Adrian Johnson Helen Jones Susan Levy Shelley Mather Michael Matsushita James Mayes Behnaz Mozakka Mihaela Otto Atique Sharifi Ihab Slimane Christian Small Monika Suchocka Mala Trivedi AnthonyFatayi-Williams Jamie Gordon Giles Hart Marie Hartley Miriam Hyman Shahara Islam Neetu Jain Sam Ly Shyanuja Parathasangary Anat Rosenberg Philip Russell William Wise Gladys Wundowa Lee Baisden Benedetta Ciaccia Richard Ellery Richard Gray Anne Moffat Fiona Stevenson Carrie Taylor Michael Brewster Jonathan Downey David Foulkes Colin Morley Jennifer Nicholson Laura Webb

Hot Dog Top Dog

Takeru Kobayashi broke his own world record on Tuesday by eating 53 3/4 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Silly man.

Breaking The Silence

Yaxlich received an email today from an old friend who now lives overseas. Yaxlich thought he would share it with you. Breaking the Silence 15th October 2006 We are planning a march in London on October 15th. The march is to 'Break The Silence' of the silent majority and to voice our growing concerns over mass immigration into this country. The government needs to be made aware that we are not prepared to have the country we know and love turned into a haven for terrorists and terrorist sympathisers, foreign criminals and scroungers and those who are not prepared at adopt our way of life and culture. Whilst the government try to portray us as tolerant and multi cultural, at some stage out tolerance must say enough is enough. This is not being racist as anyone with a modicum of sense can see the trouble we are all heading for. We surely would love to be able to say Merry Christmas to whom we want. We don't want our fellow citizens to be blown up on tube trains and then be told there are 260,000 Muslims in this country who hold a grudge. Why are we going down this path to mayhem? Without the immigration of the past 50 years ''Crimewatch' would last 10 minutes. If you feel that your fathers, grandfathers and their fathers fought two world wars so we could have the right to free speech and have our children brought up in a free country, not one where we cannot criticise, offend or speak our minds on what is daily going on around us then please come to London on October 15th. We are looking for 5,000,000 to join us and to make it the biggest gathering London since then end of the second world war. Please pass this onto 10 people that you know. We will meet in front of Buckingham Palace at 11am and march to Westminster and finish in front of the Cenotaph. It will be very peaceful. Yaxlich imagines that all police leave will be cancelled that weekend in preparation for the very peaceful march of 5 million skinheads. Yaxlich thinks that all white plastic chairs should be removed from London too. Yaxlich also notes that the sender of the email lives 11,000 miles from Buckingham Palace. Yaxlich thinks he will join him that weekend.

The World Cup

Another reason that Yaxlich hasn't updated his Blog for a while is because he has been watching the World Cup. England won the World Cup in 1966 when everything was still in black and white. Since 1966 England haven't won very much at all. England have a striker called Peter Crouch. He is very tall. Peter Crouch is married to a bearded lady and also works for Gerry Cottle. England did not win the World Cup because they lost to Portugal. Englands best player is called Wayne Rooney but he got sent off for standing on another players dangly toilet parts. They also have another good player called David Beckham who used to be in the Spice Girls.

4th July

Yaxlich hasn't posted anything on his Blog for a while because his computer was broken. According to the nice man from PC World his hard drive was corrupted. Yaxlich was surprised at this news and wanted to ask the nice man how this had happened but since Yaxlich does not speak Urdu he was unable to find out more. Yaxlich now has a new computer and will be updating his Blog again. Today is the 4th of July. In America, where they also have the internet, they have parties. As you know, Yaxlich likes parties and wishes he was in America now with Pork Chop the African American hound eating jelly and ice cream. They like to eat in America and their favourite food is the hot dog. In America today in a place called Coney Island they will be having a hot dog eating contest. The world record for eating hot dogs is 53 hot dogs in 12 minutes and the record holder is Takeru Kobayashi. He also holds the world record for eating 57 cow brains in 15 minutes. The 4th of July is called Independence Day in America. Yaxlich has learnt that this is the date in history when England donated some land to some Irish people because they couldn't grow potatoes. Yaxlich is glad his computer isn't broken any more. He has been able to look around the internet and find lots of interesting websites. Yaxlich read on Yahoo! yesterday about a new website in America which encourages people to help each other for free. Yaxlich likes this idea because he doesn't think people do enough for each other any more. Not like in the old days where you could leave your back door open and not worry about someone from Turkey eating your cat. Yaxlich hopes this website is available in England soon because he has a garage full of "England World Cup Winners 2006" t-shirts to take to Oxfam.